The person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience.

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Noah shifted on the bed, and the oddest crunching sound came underneath him. I looked, really looked

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A bear, however hard he tries, grows tubby without exercise.

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Hello, Minister!" bellowed Percy, sending a neat jinx straight at Thicknesse, who dropped his wand a

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An original idea. That can't be too hard. The library must be full of them.

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A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it.

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Ah, pay no heed if your enemies laugh. They'll not be able to once you lop off their heads.

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I've had great success being a total idiot.

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Name the different kinds of people,’ said Miss Lupescu. ‘Now.’Bod thought for a moment. ‘The living,

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Until a man is twenty-five, he still thinks, every so often, that under the right circumstances he c

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There are moments, Jeeves, when one asks oneself, 'Do trousers matter?'""The mood will pass, sir.

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My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.

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That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them.

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25 And the Lord spake unto the Angel that guarded the eastern gate, saying 'Where is the flaming swo

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Any fool can make a ruleAnd any fool will mind it.

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Just give me a second. Attempting to give a fuck...Attempting harder to give a fuck...Sorry, there w

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Leaving us with Eric is like hiring a babysitter who spends his time sharpening knives.

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You're not a woman," he said finally. "You're the Grim Reaper with red hair!

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Ms. Wormwood: Calvin, can you tell us what Lewis and Clark did? Calvin: No, but I can recite the sec

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They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit," Valkyrie said. China glanced at her. "They've obviously

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